So very tired.
The type of tired that a night of sleep just can’t fix.
The type of tired that three weeks of sleep wouldn’t be able to cure.
I know, I’m not old enough to know true exhaustion.
I haven’t experienced life enough to know true overwhelmed.
I know, a lot of people say that true tired is newborns, and stay-at-home mom life, and little ones underfoot.
I know, a lot of people say that true tired is a career, and climbing the ladder, and breaking the glass ceiling.
I know, a lot of people say that true tired is blue-collet jobs, back-breaking labor, and living paycheck-to-paycheck.
And I’m not denying that all of those things are exhausting.
Those are all life experiences that I don’t have a lot of expertise in.
I’m not a mother, or a factory worker, or a business women.
I’m barely an adult, technically still a teenager.
You see, I’m caught in those awkward years.
I’m old enough to buy a car, vote, get a student loan, or prevent the doctor from telling my parents about my health.
Yet, still young enough that people ask my mom if I can do something before checking with me.
I’m an adult. I can make my own choices. I can tell people no. I can do what I think is right.
A mantra I have to remind myself of almost daily.
Because it’s hard.
It’s so hard to be an “almost adult”.
It’s especially hard being an “almost adult” in today’s culture and society.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to complain about how horrible I have it in society.
Because I don’t. I don’t have it that hard.
I’m from nice suburban area. I have a loving family. I am from a middle class family. I’m white.
I have a job that is more than minimum wage. I have a high school education. And I’m getting ready to start college.
So, while bad things have happened in my life, and I do have horrible experiences that I sometimes wish I could give back.
I don’t have it that hard.
And yet, I’m so tired.
I’m so tired of watching my fellow human beings, fight for their right to exists.
I’m so tired of watching people my age senselessly slaughtered.
I’m so tired of people disregarding others opinions and feelings and emotions.
I’m so tired of “but not all _______ are like that”
I’m so tired of the fact that I am not afraid, while others my age are.
I just want to stop being tired.
I just want to have a long rest.
I just want the type of sleep my should needs.
I just want to sleep.
But sleep will not fix whats hurting.
sleep will not heal my soul.
Sleep will not take my exhaustion away.
“There’s faith and there’s sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think.”
The above, is a refrain from a Twenty-One pilots song.
And while, they aren’t a religious group, they are so right.
I can’t sleep. I can’t rest. I can’t get rid of this exhaustion, no matter how much I want to.
Because I have faith.
I have my God.
I have my relationship with Jesus.
And my Faith tells me to love like Jesus.
My God tells me to fight for His people.
My relationship with Jesus tells me to put others first.
And that’s tiring.
That’s the reason I will not be getting any sleep for my soul.
Because I have chosen faith.
And faith means I need to be awake.
There’s a hashtag on social media #StayWoke
The posts under #StayWoke are posts that shine hard truth on social issues.
People posts about the unfair things they experience and tag them #StayWoke.
Women post about how their rape kit didn’t get processed and tag them #StayWoke.
Lower income people post about the unlivable wages they receive and tag them #StayWoke.
Non-white people post about the systematic racism they experience and tag them #StayWoke.
You see, I’m tired.
I want to rest.
But, Ephesians 5: 14 says “Wake up, Sleeper.”
Romans 13:11 says “The hour has come for you to wake up…”
Joel 1:5 says “Wake up, you drunkards, and weep!”
Psalm 3:5 says “I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.”
Judges 5:12 says “Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up,”
There are more.
There are so many more.
The Bible is filled with verses about everything.
But lately, the verses telling us to Wake Up, have been hitting me hard.
Each one hits my gut, and break my heart a little bit more.
Wake up. #StayWoke.
Our culture is in the middle of some terrifying acts or horror.
Acts I can’t possible begin to understand or relate to.
I don’t know the feelings.
I don’t know the pain.
I don’t know the fear.
Because I had the unknown privilege of being born with the life I was given.
I was born with the privilege of not having to be afraid.
A few weeks ago, a man was stopped by a police officer.
He did everything the officer asked of him.
He very clearly told the officer he had a license to carry a gun.
And he still shot four times in the back.
The last time I was stopped by a police officer, he called me ma’am and apologized for the inconvenience.
I am so tired of watching my fellow Americans, my fellow humans, mercilessly attacked.
I am so tired of the people who are affected the most, being shut down every time they try to speak.
I am so so so tired.
But, I have faith.
So I have to wake up.
I have to stay awake.
I have to #StayWoke.
Because that’s what the bible tells me to do.
“Wake up, you drunkards, and weep!”
You see, The Bible tells us to feel.
The Bible tells us to be empathetic.
I’m ready to weep.
I’m ready to weep for my fellow “almost adults”, who are scared to go in public by themselves.
I’m ready to weep for the people my age, who aren’t “almost adults” because they aren’t given the same leeway I am.
I’m ready to weep for the countless families who are going to have an empty chair at their table this Christmas.
I have no ida what happens next.
I have no clue what actual action steps need to be taken.
I have no expertise in this area.
All I have is my faith, My calling to #StayWoke, and my readiness to weep.
I don’t know if that will be enough to change the world.
I don’t know if that will be enough to change the culture.
I don’t know if that will be enough to change society.
But it was enough to change me.
So maybe it’s enough to change one or two other people.
And they can change one or two others
And then all the sudden we have six people changed.
It’s asking for a lot, I know.
And maybe, like me, you’re tired.
Maybe, you don’t know if you have the energy for all thats happening in the world right now.
Maybe you don’t know if you have the ability to #StayWoke.
Maybe, you just need to sleep.
If so, I’m sorry.
Because right now, there’s no rest.
This world needs us to #StayWoke.
This culture needs us to wake up!
And this society needs us to weep.
So will you?