“Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” -Psalm 27:14
I’m not a naturally patient person.
Just trying to be honest, I’m not very good at being patient.
I like to get things done.
I like to initiate.
And I like to not have a to-do list hanging over my head.
In short, I’m very bad at waiting.
And I don’t just mean for the big and exciting things, although those are really hard to hold on for, but for everything.
If I make plans to go see a movie with somebody over the weekend, it will take every ounce of inner-strength I’ve got to keep me from googling the ending before we go.
If my mom tells me that she’s making my favorite meal for dinner, I’ll spend my whole day watching the clock, until suppertime.
When I start a new book, I’ll read the first chapter, then the last page, then the rest of the book just because I can’t wait for the conclusion.
Waiting is something that I’m just not naturally talented at.
And so, when I realized that somehow I had slipped into a season of waiting, I yelled and screamed and got angry with God (because I know better than Him, right?)
When I graduated high school, I had no clue where I was supposed to be going.
I had gotten accepted into three different schools (one of them being a school I had wanted to go to since I was a little girl), I had been accepted onto a three month missions trip to Thailand, and I was being interview for a spot in a Master’s Commission in England (which I was convinced was for me).
And I had no idea which of these paths was the one I was being called down.
So I did what anybody, trying to live a Godly life does, in times of decision making, I prayed.
I prayed more often than I had ever prayed before.
And the prayers I was praying were desperate, long-winded, and deeper than I had ever gone with God.
And the more I prayed the less I felt called to any of the options I had laying out before me.
And so I did what everybody in my life warned me against doing, I declined all of these options, picked up more hours at the Daycare I was employed by, and trusted that when the right thing came along I would recognize it.
Thus, I entered into a year-long period of waiting.
I was anticipating something better to come my way, instead of trying to thrive with the situations I was in.
Instead of using my singleness as a chance to grow in Christ and learn more about myself, I was anticipating my next relationship to start.
Instead of using my time working full-time as a teacher to grow in my discipleship with God and save money for my future, I was anticipating the start of college.
Instead of using my time living at home as a way to grow more with my parents and siblings, I was anticipated the day I could move out.
Like I said, I’m not naturally patient.
And living a happy life in the past year of waiting has been extremely hard.
I did’t want to let myself be happy.
I didn’t want to be comfortable with my waiting.
I didn’t want to let God move in my life.
I didn’t want to grow.
And yet, despite me being adimately against it all, it still all happened.
In the past year, I’ve grown as a person.
I’ve grown as a family member.
And I’ve grown in my relationship with Christ.
My time in the waiting season isn’t over.
There’s still a lot of things I’m waiting on.
I still haven’t started college.
I still am single.
I still live with my parents.
But the waiting isn’t agonizing anymore.
I’m not constantly looking around for the next thing.
In fact, I think I’ve turned from “waiting for the next thing” to “thriving where I’m planted”.
I’ve built up my savings account.
I’ve never been more involved in my church family.
I’ve become closer to my natural family.
I’ve grown as a youth group leader.
I’ve receive a couple promotions.
And I’ve built a stronger relationship with God than I’ve ever had before.
My season of waiting hasn’t been very easy.
In fact, it’s been very hard for me to do.
Playing the waiting game has been a hard chapter of my life.
But it’s been a very worthwhile chapter of my life.
It’s been a chapter that’s taught me a lot about myself and about God.
It’s been a chapter I needed.
And it’s been a chapter that, looking back, I wouldn’t trade for anything.